Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
