we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize