hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
