But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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