you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
