The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
