Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize