I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
