another moral hangover. fuck.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
