STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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