oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i think i have herpe
just one?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
