You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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