jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
