I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize