I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
