I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
