We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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