Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
