Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
