She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
