See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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