I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
