I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You're like the curious george of whores
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
