its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Watching her eat just hurts me
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
