I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
