Plan B is the new Plan A
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
what day is it and did you see me today?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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