Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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