You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
