Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
When did angry sex become our thing?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
