dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
