You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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