just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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