Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
