masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Liz is crying about burritos again.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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