On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
