Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
