Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
