I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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