Buhtt sex?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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