oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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