Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
