I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
