he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
