Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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