Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
