You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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