Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
