she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
