I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
