So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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