listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
