She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
