someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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