bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
