the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
