I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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