So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
