i would punch a child for taco bell
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
