Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
