the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
