I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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