Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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