who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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