I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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