these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
